Communicating Effectively

Communicating Effectively “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” James 1:19-20 It is sometimes hard for people to really share their feelings and thoughts, but it is only when we are able to break down the barriers to get past the idle conversations that we can really begin to communicate with someone. This has been difficult for me throughout the years as my wife has mastered the art of communication, and I am still working on it. She can open up and let others know exactly her thoughts, feelings and emotions, but I have not been able to do this in the fashion she is able to. I have improved over the years but am not there yet. The more we can open up in expressing our thoughts and feelings the more intimate the relationship can become between a husband and wife. A good marriage is one in which both the husband and wife are able to throw open the doors and express themselves openly. How many times have you and your spouse had an argument, only to discover that the argument could have been avoided if you had truly taken the time to understand one another? I know that there have been times in our marriage where we thought we both disagreed about something, but really discovered that we really didn’t disagree at all—we only thought we disagreed because we were too impatient to fully understand one another. So many disagreements are escalated because we don’t make the effort to clarify what the other person is trying to communicate. We often say “well, I thought you said this or that”—but it wasn’t that at all, as to what they were trying to say. Restating what you said is another way to ensure that you have communicated what you wanted to say, and also is a way to make sure the listener has heard properly what you are trying to say. Perceived communication without clarification usually leads to frustration, and a situation where nobody wins. Men and women are different—and that’s okay. I know that I have different opinions about certain things, and my wife has other opinions. I have had different opinions from the people I worked with throughout the years, and that is also okay, as not everyone has the same opinions about certain things. It doesn’t mean however that any one of us is wrong. Remember, it’s okay to have different opinions. Each of us however needs to drop the need to win the disagreements that we have, as well as the need to blame the other person. Putting the blame on the other person is so easy, and so often keeps us from admitting that we may be part of the problem. I believe our family has had very good communications over the years, and our disagreements have been few and far between. Our relationship has always been good and everyone has had an open door to communicate with each other and with us. Conflict is a normal part of any home. What will set your family apart is how you respond to each other when circumstances collide. It is important to make our homes a haven of peace for our families and our children. Consider your communication style and change it if you feel you are not lovingly expressing yourself to others. To speak in love is to communicate the truth in kind and gentle terms. Often it has less to do with what you say than with how you say it. We should consider how we confront others and the tone of our communication. You may need to examine your motives and attitudes, as you plan to communicate the way you speak the truth. We also need to communicate intentionally, what we want to say, and not communicate in anger. Anger is a God given emotion, but things said in anger will usually result in an outcome that will not benefit anyone. Our words should always be uplifting to others, and not to make anyone feel bad or hurt them in any way. We should be building others up instead of tearing them down. 1st Timothy 2:8 “I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing.” Robert W. Brock My Daily Devotional Volume Seven November 7